IS SHE THE ONE?
Signs You're With The Right Girl
So, you've found yourself in a serious relationship with a wonderful girl. You may already share a house, finances and other "big deal" items like toothbrushes, toilet seats, and taking out the trash. But how do you make the move to sharing a last name? Do you know for sure that she is THE ONE? Marriage is more than the legal union of a man and woman; it's the joining of two people committed to each other with the goal of forever. Such a big decision can be remarkably heavy, but don't sweat it, kimosabe. We've come up with the six big questions you should ask yourself before deciding if you're ready to drop (it like it's hot) to your knee to propose.
1. Can you imagine life without her?
If you had but even one moment's worth of hesitation in answering this question, you may not be ready for marriage. Do us - and yourself - a favor. Take pause to imagine big events in your life moving forward, and answer who you envision sharing them with? Who is next to you on that thrilling skydive? Whose shoulder do you cry on when when you lose a parent or relative? Who do you share your dream home with? Late nights, long flights, rainy days, and crazy ways? If you literally cannot imagine the rest of your life without her there in those moments, then you may have found the one.
2. Does she make you a better person?
Have you found the one who makes you want to BE better and DO better in all walks of life? A real life partner is someone who makes you want to change for the better...and not because they nag or complain for change. We're talking about being intrinsically motivated to be the best that you can be BECAUSE of her.
We're talking about the things you didn't naturally do before she walked into your life, but you do them now. If you have found someone who makes you a better and happier person just by being in your life, then you may have found the one.
3. Did she get the stamp of approval?
The very people who will be celebrating with you on your eventual wedding day are typically the same people who could (and should) give you a stamp of approval. While we realize that your potential bride-to-be is not a prized piece of cattle, getting the approval from close friends and family is a telling sign of a promising future. The people who know you best are typically the ones who can sniff out a person who isn't genuine or who doesn't seem to meet your wants and needs. However, if your closest friends and family love your girl, then you may have found the one.
4. Can you be your true self around her?
If you are a beer chugging, hot wing slugging kind of guy but find yourself sipping fine wines and dining on delicacies, you may have taken a wrong turn. Of course we recommend being flexible. And trying new things is always fun and adventurous. But you don't want to be with a girl who doesn't share in your loves while also encouraging you to be who you really are. You want to be with someone who knows the good, the bad, and the ugly and loves you in spite of it. If you have found someone who encourages you to pursue your own passions (and to slug that beer, obviously), then you may have found the one.
5. Do you choose to make her your priority?
Do you still find yourself cancelling your own personal plans for the gym or drinks with the guys so that you can be with her? Are you past the "honeymoon phase" of your relationship (typically the first 6 months of a new relationship) but still find yourself adjusting your schedule to be with her? Do you miss her as soon as she leaves? If you constantly find yourself searching for the next time you can see her, kiss her, or touch her to get your fix, you may have found the one.
6. Is there mutual trust and respect?
A positive, healthy relationship is one filled with mutual trust and respect. This can be tricky if you've been burned in the past, but you want to make sure that you are with someone you can set free. Free to go out on girls' nights. Free to advance her career. Free to travel the world. Free to pursue her dreams. And, don't worry. This is a visa versa kind of thing. You want and deserve those same things. A relationship shouldn't feel heavy or inhibiting. It should be freeing and full of trust and respect. If you feel free in your relationship, then you may have found the one.
7. Are you on the same page?
Yes. It's an election year. And even hearing...errrrr, reading... the word politics makes us pretty sick to our stomachs, too, but that is exactly the kind of topic that you and your girl need to discuss. It's one of the basics. And so are religion, finances, careers-paths, and children. These topics can be deal breakers for a lot of relationships, so make sure you have the tough-topic conversations prior to making a decision on marriage. You owe it to yourself and to your girl to flush out any potential problems before you invest (time, money, and so much emotion) into a big decision like marriage. If you've already stomached through the tough conversations and find yourself on the same page, then you may have found the one.
In all honesty, uncertainty on any of the above questions should raise cause for concern. If you're contemplating marriage, trust your gut. It is undoubtedly one of the most dependable tools you have for making big life decisions. If every ounce of your being is telling you to move forward, then move forward. On the other hand, if your gut is unsure or uneasy about such a big decision, then take the time to do some serious soul searching for answers. Marriage is a matter of the heart, and as is the case with all matters of the heart, you WILL know it when you find it!