IS HE THE ONE?
6 Signs He's the One
You're head over heels in love and wondering if this could be it. . . .if he might actually be The One. Unfortunately, there is not a one-size-fits-all handbook to help you determine whether your beloved is marriage material. Every relationship is unique, and only you will truly know if yours will be able to stand the test of time. But there are some simple litmus tests to help you gauge the depth of your love and to give you a glimpse into what a future with him looks like.
1. He fights Fairly.
There will always be disagreements - but there is nothing sexier than a partner who can keep his emotions in check and stay respectful throughout them. He doesn't keep an arsenal of personal attacks in his back pocket to launch at you at the first sign of an argument. Name calling. Dredging up the past. Screaming and yelling. These are attributes of a disagreement that are wholly unnecessary and a sign of disrespect; however, if your lover can keep a cool head during the most heated discussions and genuinely values the "resolution" more than the "conflict," you've got a keeper. You want someone like that on your team. And as an aside, you should be giving him, and your relationship, the same respect in return during heated discussion.
2. Gives you your space.
He doesn't roll his eyes when your best friend needs to meet you for coffee. . .again. . .because she is fighting with her boyfriend. While he loves spending some 1-on-1 QT with you, he understands that he is not the only good thing in your life. Whether it is that statistics class that keeps you buried in books on a Saturday morning or a boss who kept you late for a meeting, he doesn't resent the things that keep you away. In fact, your ambition and how you take care of your friends is part of why he loves you so much. He doesn't need to control your time because he respects how you spend it. He also understands that promoting a life away from him only strengthens your life WITH him.
3. You share the same values.
You want to spend your life with someone who understands you at your core and supports the things that you care about deeply. When you dream, you want your partner to be along for the ride, not constantly throwing down the anchor over philosophical differences. If you and him share the same values that will ultimately determine the direction your lives take, you are on the right track. To that effect, make sure you have the "hot topic" conversations about politics, religion, children, etc. prior to an engagement to make sure that your direction is pointed the same way. You don't have to vote the same way or even share the same religious beliefs, but it needs to be clear heading into the marriage where each of you stands on these issues. This helps to circumvent any future issues or arguments down the road.
4. You can be yourself with him.
He's seen you at your best many times, but he has also seen you at your worst (you know, the no make-up, ugly cry after a terrible day at the office - yikes!!). At the end of a terrible day, you can let down your guard and be the unfiltered version of yourself with him. This type of vulnerability doesn't scare you - in fact, you always feel better after letting this side of yourself show. He is well aware that you are a terrible cook, he has seen you weep like a baby while watching ASPCA commercials, and he knows that you are completely useless in the morning until you have had coffee. You are who you are and he loves it. (However, despite how well he knows you, he may still need a few hints for what kind of ring you are dreaming of...a Hint List is helpful for even the most connected couples!)
5. Those skeletons in your closet don't spook him.
Whether it be the daunting credit card debt you racked up during college or the drama from your past relationships, he takes it all in stride. The past is in the past, and he is much more focused on your future together than the indiscretions of your youth. In fact, he wants to help find a way for those skeletons to stop spooking YOU. We all come with a past. We all come with mistakes. The difference is that true love keeps no record of wrongs, and if your partner believes that, you can be confident that this is a healthy, mature relationship. Hang on to that kind of love!
It may seem obvious, but if your one and only has a wandering eye, you may not be his one and only. You should be confident that you are the only one who turns his head - when you are with him and when you aren't. A lifetime commitment means he is ready to put YOU first from now on. If he isn't ready now, pump the brakes. Marriage doesn't magically make that happen. But if you know your partner is ready to settle down and build a life with you (and only you!), he could be your Happily Ever After. You are now free to stop looking for your soulmate, and begin searching for your perfect ring!
Trust your gut. While these 6 signs can help you determine if he's the one, they aren't foolproof. The final sign should be the voice that comes right from within you. What does it tell you? No one else will know the intimate details of your relationship better than you and your guy, which means that it is difficult for anyone else to help you make the decision. But, rest easy. You're a smart cookie and you care about making a thoughtful decision (I mean, why else would you be reading this?) Our bet is that you are well on your way to a happily ever after.